The sixty-year old pilot in my head

I was called an old soul. I didn't know what it meant back then. Nevertheless I took it as a complement, like everything else. And then I started seeing guys, and they told me I don't act my age. I liked it. Maybe it's because I don't want to be associated with most of the nineteen-year olds I know.

I woke up this morning, not by the heat (thank god), but by my back. It's been hurting a lot these days. I think I've an old-people-disease. 

I can't be in a romantic relationship anymore. Everything romantic that I have has been exhausted with my first boyfriend who's an ass. I just recycled the same shit with the second. Right now I can't bring myself to love anyone anymore. It's exhausting and annoying and there's always a lingering stench of a breakup, give things some time to ferment. I'll end up hurting people and it's sad. 

I try to meet people but I'm just so dead.